Learning to soothe yourself
Where do you go when you get an uncomfortable feeling? See a friend, call a parent, pour yourself a drink, keep yourself busy with parties and work. Most of us will do anything to not be alone with our feelings, and often that will mean spending time with others in the vain hope of making it feel better. But have you ever been in a social situation and felt completely and utterly alone, it doesn’t matter that 50 other people are in the same room with you; yet still we chase the next party invite, fill our schedule with hobbies and outings or look for anything outside us to make those feelings go away. That is the reality of not feeling, facing and processing your emotions. Desperately looking outwards for the solution, when the only way to uncover and let go of this pain is to start turning internally.
It’s like the Sunday blues- you could be having a lovely dinner with friends but still there is a feeling in the pit of your stomach that won’t allow you to actually enjoy your evening. This is an easy one, always comes on Sunday, back to work in the morning and you would do anything to not have to go into the office in the morning. Currently you are powerless, Monday will inevitably come and you will face all the same things you did the week prior. But have you ever actually taken the time to really feel into this emotion? Taken a moment to journal and get to the route of it? Maybe you start writing and realise there is a person at work who makes you feel very uncomfortable, maybe you genuinely hate the work you do and have refused to let yourself imagine an alternative, perhaps you love the work and simply hate the structure of the 9-5. Suddenly, by allowing yourself to consider you are starting to have steps you can follow of how to change the situation you are in. This doesn’t mean the whole world changes in a day, but the continued willingness to sit with your emotions will begin to bring changes naturally, even if it is because you get fed up of looking at the same reason for discomfort every evening!
When you start to look at yourself as the one who can soothe those difficult emotions life can start to feel less frantic. You can begin to focus on self soothing practices that you can implement when these feelings begin to arise. That isn’t to say we shouldn’t reach out when we feel low, sometimes time with friends is the perfect remedy, but allow yourself to acknowledge what is happening even if its a few minutes to recognise what it’s all about. The more you get to know yourself, the easier it all gets.
